How to Get Along with Anyone

Life would be easy if it weren’t for the people…

Why do you connect with some people more easily than others? Personality.

• 90% of problems at work are people problems.
• A significant cause of terminations are personality issues.
• A difficult co-worker can negatively impact satisfaction in the workplace.
• A personality conflict with a manager can make you dread going to work.

There are always going to be people you struggle to get along with.

The most common coping mechanisms people use for personality conflict are avoidance, passive aggressive behavior, and permanently leaving the situation. The challenge with these strategies is avoidance and passive aggressive behavior worsen the relationship, and there will likely be people you don’t click with in your next environment.

A more effective strategy is learning to read and understand people, and adapting your approach to give others what they need and ultimately get your needs met in the process.

My exposure and work with the DiSC personality assessment is a significant factor in having a rock-solid marriage, and the ability to get along with just about everyone. Understanding your own personality is the first step in working more effectively with others.

First, determine if you tend to be more fast-paced and outspoken OR cautious and reflective.

Then, determine if you also tend to be more questioning and skeptical OR accepting and warm. Finally, combine the tendencies together to discover your style:

D – Dominance: direct, results-oriented, firm, strong-willed, forceful.

I – Influence: outgoing, enthusiastic, optimistic, high-spirited, lively.

S – Steadiness: even-tempered, accommodating, patient, humble, tactful.

C – Conscientiousness: analytical, reserved, precise, private, systematic.

Each of these four personality types have different priorities. When you know the priorities of others, you can give them what they need to influence a better partnership.

D styles prioritize:

• Getting results
• Taking Action
• Offering Challenge (e.g. challenging others with tough questions)

I styles prioritize:

• Enthusiasm
• Taking Action
• Collaboration

S styles prioritize:

• Providing support
• Stability
• Collaboration

C styles prioritize:

• Accuracy
• Stability
• Offering Challenge (e.g. openly questioning ideas)

You’ll notice some of the styles share similar priorities. For example, I’s and S’sboth prioritize collaboration, so this is common ground they can use to get along better. D’s and C’s both prioritize challenge, and I’s and D’s both prioritize action. D’s and S’s do not have common ground on their priorities, and neither do I’s and C’s, so these personality combinations tend to have the greatest friction points.

Strategies to increase your effectiveness

To connect better with the D style:

• Address issues quickly and directly. They will respect you for it.
• Resist the urge to give into their demands just to regain harmony.
• Realize that the relationship is less important than the task.
• Avoid taking bluntness personally. It’s not personal.
• Focus on the big picture.
• Expect candor.
• Make efficient use of their time: Be brief and be gone.

To connect better with I style:

• Be open to collaboration.
• Recognize the value of their energy and enthusiasm.
• Find ways to recognize them so they feel liked and appreciated.
• Expect spontaneity.
• Show them you’re open to creative solutions.
• Remain optimistic while considering all potential issues.
• Let them know your relationship is solid despite differences.
• Avoid personal attacks.
• Acknowledge their feelings.

To connect better with S style:

• Show warmth and concern for their feelings.
• Address the situation directly, but avoid being confrontational.
• Offer your point of view, but take an easy-going approach.
• Work collaboratively with them.
• Respect their cautious pace.
• Set a timeline that fits everyone’s needs.
• Avoid forceful tactics.
• Show them you sincerely care about resolving the issues.

To connect better with C style:

• Allow them time for careful analysis.
• Talk to them about objective, fact-based aspects of ideas and projects.
• Support your opinions with logic and facts.
• Avoid using forceful or emotional tactics.
• Give them space to process a situation before confronting the issues.
• Show appreciation for their logic.
• Expect skepticism.
• Avoid pressuring them for an immediate decision.

Developing the ability to read and understand people, discover their needs and priorities, and adapting your approach to them will lead to greater effectiveness with people in every area of your life.

If you’re interested in learning more about taking a DiSC assessment and receiving coaching around your personality, motivators, stressors, and strategies for increasing effectiveness with others, please contact me through my website below.

All the best to you!​